The Prize Club: Humility

I am so blessed.

It is hard to believe that someone could really be grateful for their struggle with alcoholism. How could going through that gut wrenching pain be a positive? I mean, lying in bed at a California rehab facility in tears for days. Leaving my wife and kids at home 3000 miles away. I didn't feel humbled, I felt humiliated.

Thank God! Literally. Prior to that, my whole adult life was spent developing and protecting my massive ego. I didn't set out to be so prideful; it certainly wasn't by design. But, like many of my character defects, it slowly infiltrated my being and became who I was.

-I was always right.
-I always had to have the last word.
-I was incapable of truly listening and putting myself in another's shoes.
-I would manipulate situations with my superior intellect (what a joke!).
-I ceased taking risks so nobody would see me fail.
-I was supremely sarcastic (still working on that one!).
-In any situation, I would always first consider how it would affect me.
-I would artificially build myself up by tearing others down.
-Any problems in my life were someone else's fault. After all, how could I be responsible? I was too smart and too cool.

I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Not too pretty, is it?

I shared with you all at our first meeting how I have always struggled with low self-esteem and confidence issues. Imagine the person I was...an ego maniac with an inferiority complex! Yikes!

It was my struggle with alcoholism that got me low enough to get real. The cat was out of the bag...MY WAY WASN'T WORKING. I was empty inside. I couldn't massage the facts of this reality any more. It was at this point I could begin to get real.

With my ego blown totally out, I could begin to look at things in a brand new way. It has taken me a long, long time, but I am slowly getting it. I become more OK with myself every day. For me, the secret is humility and real gratitude. I am not the king, just another guy doing his best in life. I am grateful for this. I am grateful that I can now get out of myself and give to others. My petty little plans and selfish endeavors got me nothing but misery. Unfortunately, it took a lot of time and pain to realize it.

How much pain must you endure before you begin working on your character defects? Don't let yourself fall too far. Humble yourself, inventory what makes you unhappy and create a strategy for change. What are you waiting for? There is no magic pixie dust that is going to fall on you next week or next year that is going to make everything better. I will help you if you need it. It is my hope that each member of the Prize Club will take the time to do the same.

It is amazing how many of my problems have taken care of themselves since I started looking for ways to humbly serve others.