I'm Finally Here..

This is Carol signing in...

It has been difficult finding open time on my schedule - to match open time with the only computer I have at my disposal to log into the blog.. But I finally made it - after help from Brett on getting me set up in Google. Thanks Brett.

My prize is "Peace". Because of the way I live my life - I do everything for others before I will do anything for myself. When this finally catches up with me (before I even realize things have spiraled out of control and negatively impacted my own mental, physical, and spiritual health) - I am left tired and impatient with others (my husband) - when it isn't anything he's done at all (usually :)). It is a direct result of me not doing anything for myself... and where I end up being mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually as a result. I must regress and note that I do run regularly - so this is one thing that I do for me.. but that really is about it; and one problem is, is that this activity is not overly relaxing since I typically train hard. What I need at least on somewhat of a regular basis, is just a small amount of "me time" - quiet time for reflection, for mental respite, for recharging, for refocusing on whats really important. This could be through reading, time with friends, listening to some of my awesome CD's and relaxing with a cup of tea or coffee. But the problem is - with my "routine" of taking care of everyone else's needs first - is that I don't make it a priority and then it ends up falling to the bottom of the list and never happening..

I have made an effort to read (spiritual and other) at least 2-3 evenings/week. This has been my committment. I've been doing pretty well with this, and it feels good to be getting some control back of my "me time". It is a small start, and all I can do at this point in time.

I have been able to execute the prize club steps/concepts well with my running, without fail..
I just need to apply this to my every day life. At some point, I want to share what I've learned with my struggles that I've had with running and how I have tackled and conquered the demons very successfully. Because I think it will help some of you - because they can apply to any situation..

All for now - Stay strong everyone.. I can't wait to read some of the great posts that are already out there, and I will get back to them when I can log on next..

Carol

The way I look at things

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change", - Wayne Dyer

I don't know who Wayner Dyer is, but I am stealing his quote to share with you.  This one hit home for me.  Right up there with "if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got. 

Changing  my pattern of behavior and how I think about food is so hard some days.  It is so much easier to continue with our learned behaviors.  These are behaviors and thought processes that over the years have become automatic , and easy, and ...... destructive!    

I am committed to working hard every day to change, to make better choices that is.  Some days it is so difficult.  I get tired of telling waitress that yes, I really do not want any dressing on my salad, or spending extra time at the grocery store reading food labels,  or  popping my own popcorn for the movies ( friends really give you a weird look on those days) .

But today's a new day and more and more of these behaviors are becoming easier.  My friends will now even warn the waitress ahead of time that they better write my order down 'cause I have alot of requests!! 

The way I look and feel about  food IS changing , and you know what?  The way I look and feel is changing too....

The process continues....... off to circuit class I go! 

Worth it!

Hello.  I'm so impressed with the great posts here.   They really inspire me and make me feel so lucky to be a part of this special group.  Thank you everyone!!!!  

When I look at myself with the kind of courage and clarity that Bruce and Mandie have shared with us so graciously, I too find so much I want to change.  It is so helpful for me to see how they address these things with compassion for themselves.  By compassion, I don't mean pity.  I mean they look at themselves seeing the "warts and all"  and don't hang themselves in excess condemnation, guilt, or self-punishment.  They still think positively about change for the better!!!  They demonstrate how to come out of this dark place because they keep their sense of self-esteem by being positive:  thankful, humble (not groveling), helpful to others, asking for and accepting help from others, focusing on the fact that they can turn around and take one step at a time towards the light!  I have much to learn about seeing clearly AND being positive at the same time.  I AM SO LUCKY RIGHT NOW!!  We all are!!  Group hug!!!

We are all Worth the changes and Prizes we choose.  "Work it, You're Worth it!" is they key for me.  Thank you all for reinforcing that powerful idea in me.  

I will be out of town on Tuesday, and I really regret that I can't join you all for the meeting.  I know it will be great as we inspire and help one another work our way to our Prizes.

Next Tuesday Meeting

Hey Bruce, I will be there for PC next Tuesday! Who else is coming?!

Gratitude

I have had some more "awakenings" in the past few days! Of course it is things I have heard before, but it is amazing when you actually take the time to apply some things, and actually take the time to process some things, what can happen!

I think the 3rd PC meeting Bruce went on to talk about gratitude and proposing the scenario that if Kym were on her death bed, how his mindset might change regarding all of her little idiosyncrasies versus how he had been currently viewing them. Were they still things that drove him crazy, left him resentful, bitter, and joyless......or were they things he came to accept, support her with, maybe even enjoy a little?! Why does it take an extreme situation to occur before we can go there on our own. Why would we choose to live that way, without a sense of gratitude, and looking for the positive in others; complaining day in and day out about how this person isn't living up to our expectations (that we have probably placed on them......that is a whole other issue for me that I will not get it to at this time :) )? We should instead think of embracing them for all of their warts, being grateful for what they do add to your life, and start supporting them in some areas where maybe they do indeed fall short and WANT the help!

It was an extension of the above conversation with Bruce that led me to his idea of "living gratitude." (Sorry Bruce I am totally stealing this one!...and thank you by the way!) The random, sporadic acts of gratitude and truly appreciating others, wanting to give what you can to those who need help, praising them in what they do, letting them know how much you appreciate their efforts......the list is endless. Again, Bruce coined it as constantly putting in "chips" in your "relationship baskets" with others. The question is: how active is your gratitude?

My big focus this week is just that: living gratitude. And guess what....IT FEELS GOOD! I hope this made sense. You know where to find me for more clarification!!

Top of Mind

Hi Gang,

i realized a few days ago that i signed up for the blog but hadn't done much with it since that day. So, my tidbit for the day is to suggest that you set the blog page as your home page on your web browser for a few weeks. Now, everytime i access the internet the blog stares me in the face. While this is the first writing i've done, i can say that i do stop to read the latest from each of you before i get on with the task at hand.

Let's call it "the little red bracelet to encourage blogging!"

You'll need to log in to reply or make posts but you can read away to your hearts content just by doing what you do several times a day anyhow....going online.

best to all!
Peter

Mind games :(

Ok still having trouble signing into the blog as apparently they want me to stay as a “dashboard”….we will figure it out.

Anyways, I wanted to comment on some of Bruce’s latest posting regarding humility. Bruce wrote some really powerful things sprinkled throughout the entire post! I struggle with a lot of what he spoke about (sarcasm, how does everything affect ME first) but I also struggled with:

- placing expectations on others
- being judgmental of others with the simplest of tasks (because I could always do it better and faster ----EEWW!)
- thinking I can predict the future in knowing how others will react ( I must of thought I was pretty powerful!)
- shying away from situations because I think I know how they will react,
- coming up with 3 different scenarios on what I need to say based on how I think they may react.


Talk about confusing! There are tornados going on in this brain of mine and it is exhausting.
I am much better with this now, but I allowed such torment to continue with every interaction. I was so caught up in myself, that there was NO way I was ever able to truly listen to someone. I was always looking for ulterior motives and never really trusting what someone was saying. This is because I couldn’t conceive that anyone else wasn’t having the same kind of tornados going on in their head as well. One big game of defense. Pretty silly.


It has taken me a few years to piece all of this together and really narrowing it down to two things:
1. Getting out of myself
2. Trusting in others

“Getting out of myself” is going to be one long process, but as Bruce said the best remedy is giving to others. This is something I am just now starting to realize and embrace.

Prize Club: 7 Day Commitment

I am working on many other things, but I feel good about these commitments. I will keep them. It is working and I feel good.

7 day commitment:

1. Use my Prize Club wristband to help me remember what is important (my Prize) and what I have committed to before I eat.

2. HAVE A HARD AND FAST, WELL DEFINED ENDING TO MY MEALS. No picking from kids or anywhere else.

3. Be grateful and truly thankful for the food I have. I must take a moment to do so.

4. One sweet per week at most.

Please help hold me accountable everyone. Checking and asking if I am following these commitments to the letter would be very helpful.

The Prize Club: Humility

I am so blessed.

It is hard to believe that someone could really be grateful for their struggle with alcoholism. How could going through that gut wrenching pain be a positive? I mean, lying in bed at a California rehab facility in tears for days. Leaving my wife and kids at home 3000 miles away. I didn't feel humbled, I felt humiliated.

Thank God! Literally. Prior to that, my whole adult life was spent developing and protecting my massive ego. I didn't set out to be so prideful; it certainly wasn't by design. But, like many of my character defects, it slowly infiltrated my being and became who I was.

-I was always right.
-I always had to have the last word.
-I was incapable of truly listening and putting myself in another's shoes.
-I would manipulate situations with my superior intellect (what a joke!).
-I ceased taking risks so nobody would see me fail.
-I was supremely sarcastic (still working on that one!).
-In any situation, I would always first consider how it would affect me.
-I would artificially build myself up by tearing others down.
-Any problems in my life were someone else's fault. After all, how could I be responsible? I was too smart and too cool.

I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Not too pretty, is it?

I shared with you all at our first meeting how I have always struggled with low self-esteem and confidence issues. Imagine the person I was...an ego maniac with an inferiority complex! Yikes!

It was my struggle with alcoholism that got me low enough to get real. The cat was out of the bag...MY WAY WASN'T WORKING. I was empty inside. I couldn't massage the facts of this reality any more. It was at this point I could begin to get real.

With my ego blown totally out, I could begin to look at things in a brand new way. It has taken me a long, long time, but I am slowly getting it. I become more OK with myself every day. For me, the secret is humility and real gratitude. I am not the king, just another guy doing his best in life. I am grateful for this. I am grateful that I can now get out of myself and give to others. My petty little plans and selfish endeavors got me nothing but misery. Unfortunately, it took a lot of time and pain to realize it.

How much pain must you endure before you begin working on your character defects? Don't let yourself fall too far. Humble yourself, inventory what makes you unhappy and create a strategy for change. What are you waiting for? There is no magic pixie dust that is going to fall on you next week or next year that is going to make everything better. I will help you if you need it. It is my hope that each member of the Prize Club will take the time to do the same.

It is amazing how many of my problems have taken care of themselves since I started looking for ways to humbly serve others.